Heh

Like everything I write this isn't going to be very well planned or thought out just my random thoughts thrown into one for you to decipher. Ready?

When Lauren was working at my favorite job she ever had (Women's Services on BYU campus http://wsr.byu.edu/) we went to a White Tie Ball. It was about relationship abuse and that opened my eyes to a lot of stuff. Things I let happen around me that I didn't realize were abuse but are. Aka NCMOs. For those of you not familiar with the term they are Non-Committal Make Outs. Aka friends with benefits, only no sex and actually occasionally they'd be like a one night stand kinda deal. Anyway moving on. After that I was more careful with the relationships I had where we stood if we were dating or just enjoying each other's company because I didn't want to be a part of an abusive relationship. (you guys probably think I was a horrible person but I'm not I haven't even kissed that many guys, I just have a guilty conscience easily...thanks for that Mom)

Okay so I try to have clear communication. I don't play games when I date. If I like a guy I tell them or I just bury the feelings and pretend we're just friends but I NEVER play games because that's just ridiculousness and dumb for everyone that is dealing with it.

Being someone's backup. Okay so this weekend I was a backup plan for someone. I never realized how sucky that feels. Granted most people don't KNOW they're the backup plan and you don't usually tell someone "well if this party is lame then I guess I'll come hang out with you." um excuse me? 1. why didn't you invite me to the party 2. no don't just assume you can come hang out with me and I'll be willing to hang out with you anytime you want. Yes I was fine with you showing up at my apartment in the morning right when I rolled out of bed but no, I will not be your backup plan.

Good news is this whole backup plan thing has encouraged me even more to keep working out (I am so sore I can barely make it up my stairs)

I also have a little piece of paper on my closet that says "you are not a backup plan" and "become someone's priority" yay for crap to turn into awesome.

Have a good week everyone!