Saturday, October 11, 2008

Oh even more

My bed just broke again

In addition

To add to all this
Last night I was talking to someone after and we were talking about how once people know everything about me they don't like me anymore...well if they did romantically before they stop after they know everything. ugh. stupid life.


So I feel really out of place again. Like I guess I was getting used to it. But after going home to Jessica, Kimi, Becca and Tyler I remember what it's like to fit in. I was thinking of how stupid I am for living here when I could be in Bend. In Bend I could be getting paid WAY more...ok only a dollar but still that's a lot. Plus in Bend I could live at home. I know I moved away from home but whatever I miss my Dad and well lets face it Carmen needs someone to get her back in line. We'll see how things are in April when I'm done with my contract but right now I totally want to move home and maybe not come back. Well if I get into BYU which I HIGHLY doubt then I'll come back but otherwise I'll just go to an Oregon school with Jess and Kimi.
Last night I went on this big group date. It was really fun don't get me wrong but I just didn't enjoy it. I felt like I was kinda on the outside which I wasn't. And if I was my roommates weren't trying to exclude me. I was doing it. I just felt very on the outside so my body language showed it too. The guys were fun and nice and if I had been in a happy guy getting mood maybe I would have liked it more but every laugh felt fake and so did every smile.
I know my roommates love me but I just don't feel it. I don't want them to do anything crazy like a "We Love Adrienne" night I don't know I just feel so on the outside. They're all really good people and well...I'm not. I just haven't been able to bond with them. Even Cassie has. ugh. I'm just too antisocial I guess. Whatever I should just not worry about it and if we aren't super close by the end of the year then so be it. Life goes on.
In other news. I don't like Matt from work anymore. I saw him today for the first time in like a month...well less than that but anyway there was nothin there. so yay i guess