Saturday, October 11, 2008

Alone

So I feel really out of place again. Like I guess I was getting used to it. But after going home to Jessica, Kimi, Becca and Tyler I remember what it's like to fit in. I was thinking of how stupid I am for living here when I could be in Bend. In Bend I could be getting paid WAY more...ok only a dollar but still that's a lot. Plus in Bend I could live at home. I know I moved away from home but whatever I miss my Dad and well lets face it Carmen needs someone to get her back in line. We'll see how things are in April when I'm done with my contract but right now I totally want to move home and maybe not come back. Well if I get into BYU which I HIGHLY doubt then I'll come back but otherwise I'll just go to an Oregon school with Jess and Kimi.
Last night I went on this big group date. It was really fun don't get me wrong but I just didn't enjoy it. I felt like I was kinda on the outside which I wasn't. And if I was my roommates weren't trying to exclude me. I was doing it. I just felt very on the outside so my body language showed it too. The guys were fun and nice and if I had been in a happy guy getting mood maybe I would have liked it more but every laugh felt fake and so did every smile.
I know my roommates love me but I just don't feel it. I don't want them to do anything crazy like a "We Love Adrienne" night I don't know I just feel so on the outside. They're all really good people and well...I'm not. I just haven't been able to bond with them. Even Cassie has. ugh. I'm just too antisocial I guess. Whatever I should just not worry about it and if we aren't super close by the end of the year then so be it. Life goes on.
In other news. I don't like Matt from work anymore. I saw him today for the first time in like a month...well less than that but anyway there was nothin there. so yay i guess

2 comments:

Lauren said...

I still love you Adrienne!! I'm sorry your date went poorly. I think you'll find that once you're in school the guys get better. It's hard to make new friends because you have to get out of your comfort zone, but I promise there are some normal and fun people!! :-)

Dahlia said...

I hear you there! I was always the odd-girl-out. Especially in big group dates! I just don't relate well with tons of people at the same time! I'm a small group person. In fact I would say that in all my college years (5 now) I only had 5 really close friends that I felt like I could really be myself with. Don't worry though, you'll find those awesome people, or like in my life, They found me! (None of them were the girls I was first room mates with either)