Sunday, November 30, 2014

Boston has a brother/cousin/who knows

A couple months ago Robert and I went to Ruff Patch Rescue and found an adorable puppy. We knew he would be a great addition to my dad's family but we would have to train him first. (Ain't no way mom was going to put up with him pooping on her floor!) Anyway, dad named him Kelvin. Robert named him Kelvin Juan Carlos Bone. (Boston also has a spanish middle name Boston Luzberto Bone Enke funny story about that...) Dad is allergic to Kelvin but Carmen is in love with him. We hope he will be able to go to my parents soon but while he is with us we are loving on him constantly. He is so cute and fluffy and just full of love.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Well that makes all the difference

I remember the day I was officially diagnosed with depression. I went to the doctor, went to pick up my prescription and went home and cried. I cried for a loooooong time. I turned my phone off and ignored my family and friends for hours. Later that night I went to the temple on a date with Brandon. (Remember those days) When I finally turned on my phone I had a hundred missed calls from my family and my friends worried about me.

From what I can remember I first had symptoms of depression when I was 12. My family probably just attributed it to being in a new environment. My family moved quite a few times that year, Washington to Oregon, Oregon to Utah, Utah to Oregon, Oregon to Utah and finally back to Oregon. It was a rough year. If you talk to my friends they can tell you that first move to Utah was really when the depression hit. I remember it being the second Utah move that triggered it. I stopped going to school, I didn't want to go to church, I had a sprained ankle so school was even more challenging and we were living with my Aunt in her RV parked on the side of her house. It was not a good time in my life. The days I skipped school were spent babysitting my cousin's 3 kids which I actually really enjoyed.

After moving back to Oregon and my life getting back to "normal" my depression kind of settled and I really just became an Eeyore. Not only was I experiencing depression but boy oh boy was I hormonal. My mood swings were horrible. I was up and down and down and up and it was like a roller coaster.

It wasn't until 2012 that I finally decided to go and get diagnosed and that day will always live in my memory.

Robert's experience being diagnosed with Bi-Polar was very similar. He wanted to just be alone but I'm a mean wife and made him hang out with me. He did use it as an excuse for everything. "I want to get frozen pizza. I'm Bi-Polar! I want ____! I'm Bi-Polar!" I shouldn't laugh about it but it was rather funny that he did that.

Robert always knew there was a high chance he would be diagnosed but the day it became official I'm sure will always be ingrained in his memory.

Why is it such a BIG deal to be diagnosed?
Is it because it is an illness that has a negative stigma?
Is it because once you have it you'll always have it?
What do you think?
If you are reading this and you have also been diagnosed with a mental illness did you have a similar experience?

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Depression, ADHD and Bi-Polar Oh My!

Well my life is no picnic. As you know from my previous blog I am in quite the roller coaster marriage. As we battle with addiction daily we are also battling with each of our mental illnesses. If any of you have ever dealt with mental illness from a loved one you know it is difficult. Realizing you need new medications is probably one of the worst times along with transitioning to new ones.

Before I go too far into our relationship you should probably know what exactly we are dealing with .
Robert has a couple mental illnesses he takes medication for ADHD and depression. His mother is bi-polar and he is starting to show symptoms of bi-polar, not strictly depression. This is extremely hard on him because of the relationship he has had with bi-polar through his mother. He has had to deal with her highs and lows his whole life. Her lows aren't just laying in a bed in a comatose state. Her lows are terrifying. (I have have the pleasure of experiencing a couple during our marriage. Usually she just yells at Robert and Shawn but one time she told me she was going to kill Boston and that had basically ruined any chance at a relationship with her) 
I take medication for depression and in my opinion it is pretty much managed. I know I do have some low days still but those are usually because of outside sources. BUT to get an honest opinion you'll have to talk to Robert.

Lately Robert and I have been at each other's throats almost daily. I'll go days without wanting to kiss him (but I do because I'm nice and I know I really do want to it's just my brain that doesn't) because I just don't want to even think about dealing with our problems or be in the same room. We will fight over something as stupid as not replacing the toilet paper. Every day I wonder when we get home if I'll have to deal with Robert exploding on Boston (our dog) or if he will just lay in bed and not get up or if he will be cleaning like a maniac. Those are Robert's basic moods. I'd like to think I'm pretty consistent but I know my moods are based off of what he does. If he is angry, I get angry. If he is sad, I just go do my own thing. If he is cleaning like a maniac, ....I don't know what I do in this situation.

Trying to figure out our groove is hard. Trying to figure out how we need to communicate in the various situations we get ourselves into is one of the harder things we go through. We will yell at each other then five minutes later just be fine and in love and cuddling.

Also I love this new song and the fact that it mentions bipolar.