Typical Utah Girl Complaints

So I'm super hesitant to write this because I know I'm going to get the typical advice and answers but sometimes I just want to write what I'm thinking out, I mean isn't that what a blog is for? So you may give your opinion on my situation, however if you say "the time will come" "it will happen" or any of the cliché things I may just ignore that and pretend you didn't say it...

Living in Utah I deal with friends getting married, engaged, pregnant all the time and being a girl I feel like I'm the only one that isn't. When I know very well that I am not. I have a roommate who isn't dating, or engaged and for sure not pregnant...well maybe not for sure...kidding. But sometimes I feel like it just gets to you. When all your friends are sending you pictures of their dresses, their rings, asking your advice, flaunting their engagement, counting the days. Of course I'm happy for them, I'm happy they're happy and they're getting their fairy tale ending but sometimes I just want an end to it all. I mean once people get engaged I delete them from my news feed so I can't see their ridiculous count down "89 days until I'm married." That is dumb (yes I bet I do it if/when I am engaged, but let me just complain for now.) You're getting married in 89 days, does anyone but you and your fiancée care? probably not... Maybe once it gets down to 5 or maybe even 30 I might care. I'm not saying I hate you if you do that I'm just saying I just don't really read your status or go to your page very often because I don't care to be reminded of my loneliness.

I'm already bitter about my situation and I'm only TWENTY. What happens if I don't get married for a few more years? Will I accept the fact that I'm not supposed to be married yet and that it's EVERYONE else's turn before mine? I don't think I can go through life without a companion. Thinking about people I know who have never been married and they're in the 50's just amazes me how they could live their lives without someone by their side. I could not do that. I really hope that is not one of the trials God wants me to have...

I'm tired of being alone and sitting around doing nothing on the weekend. I can only watch so many things on Netflix. I just want to go on a date and enjoy myself. I've been asked on two dates the whole time I've lived in Utah...TWO. Kinda sucks. Then I see the people that get asked on dates by guys they don't even want to go out with and the ones that get asked by the guys they do want to go out with and the girls that get asked out by every guy and I just feel like sometimes I want it to be my turn. I want to have a reason to actually get ready in the morning (because we all know I do not get ready for work any day of the week) I want to have something to look forward to on the weekend, not just not having to work. It'd just be nice sometime... But if it doesn't happen I guess I'll just learn to be content and live with the way life is.

Boy Crazy???

So usually I'm not boy crazy but occasionally I can be... and apparently right now is one of those times. Jamie and I spent the day together and we were just talking about things that would be so fun to do and then we decided they'd be way more fun to do with boyfriends... too bad neither of us have one... But that's just a goal...to one day get boyfriends...

"Things To Do With Our (Tentative) Boyfriends This Summer"

(Or alone if the whole boy thing doesn't work out for us....)

1. Snowbird Day- All Day Pass

2. Hike Bridal Veil Falls

3. Go to Dairy Keen

4. Hike Stuart Falls

5. Road Trip to California Coast

6. Go to Jamie's Cabin

7.Complete Kissing List (It's a list Jourdan and I made last year when I was boy crazy...about the same time...huh maybe it's just the winter)

8. Go Boating

9. Sing "Stargazing" Together (By Double or Nothing)

10. Go to Lagoon

11. Go to 7 Peaks

12. Squaw Peak (To look at the pretties not to kiss....maybe a little ha kidding) <--Give us a break we were driving through the canyon

13. Go Shooting

Kissing List

Remember this was made when I was tired...and it's just funny...not too serious...okay maybe a little.

1. Under Mistletoe

2. Elevator

3. Staircase

4. In the snow

5. In the rain

6. In a hot tub

7. Tire swing

8. Closet

9. Beach at night

10. Standing in the middle of the road

11. Sitting on the counter

12. Sitting on a desk

13. In a swivel chair

14. Love Sac

15. Sitting on the trunk of a car

16. Temple Square

17. In the fountain at Gateway

18. New Years Midnight

19. Under a waterfall

20. On a boat

21. Underwater

22. On a balcony

23. On a horse

24. Upside down

25. On a pool table

26. Under fireworks (harder for me since I'm afraid of them...)

2011 Goals

Everyone has their goals for 2011 and usually I don't tell people mine because then I actually have to do them, or they put pressure on me and then I won't do it. This year...I'm telling people... ah! I remember my mom used to get this thing out of the Friend and it had sections and we had to put what our goals are for the year... Here are a few of mine.

Spiritual Goals:
1. Go to church at least 3 times a month...and stay for more than one hour... I know it sounds super easy and whatever but since I've gotten my new calling my church attendance has gone way down. I don't like leading music so if I'm not there I'm not expected to and so it's not my problem to deal with. But I should go and I should learn to love my calling...I miss being in charge of activities it was way better than music.
2. Do all the things I'm supposed to, all those SMA's, read scriptures, pray morning and night, the things I do occasionally but have never made a habit of.
3. Prepare myself to go to the temple, SURPRISE this past year has been a debate and I haven't told many people but I've been trying to decide to go on a mission, my answer changes daily but I should at least be getting ready to and living so I can if I decide I do want to when July rolls around.
4. People used to say I had a special glow or light in my eyes, for some reason I didn't like that and wanted people to like other parts of me. Now I'm realizing those parts are not the parts I want people to focus on, I want them to think I have the special light and the kind heart...I judge too much, I need to stop.

Education:

1. Figure out what I actually want to do with my life!!

2. Keep getting A's.

3. Learn to do my homework a few days in advance...not just the night before.

4. Find a good school I want to go to.

Physical:

1. Play Wii Fit/Just Dance everyday.

2. Eat right.

3. Grow my hair out to donate it again.

4. Lose Weight (see number 1 and 2)

Forget 2010 and move on to 2011

As we are finishing up 2010 it is time to focus on 2011, not the downfalls of the past year but the many things we can change and better ourselves in. Examine your life and where you want it to go, then figure out where it is going now, if needed change your lifestyle. Live today like you want to be remembered tomorrow. Don't live life ashamed. Do your best. If you need help kneel and ask Christ for his loving help, he will always be there to help and comfort you. He will be with you today, tomorrow and forever. He loves each of us eternally and wants us all to return to him.

Top 5 days for sure!!

Soooo pretty much today was the MOST AMAZING day ever! No, I didn't get asked out on some hot date, get a good grade (well I do have good grades), or anything like that.... Something much more surprising. I GOT TO SEE GARRET!!! It was the best random surprise ever.
For my job we have to get lunch for the doctors and I usually just order somewhere that's super fast and delivers but today I decided Kneaders would be a good decision. So I went to pick it up and it ended up taking longer than it should have and then as I was walking out I saw some missionaries out of the corner of my eye but I didn't really notice it. (weird right) So I was walking out the door thinking none of them were Garret but then I heard his voice. I quickly turned around and then I turned him around (yup super awkward) and he thought I was trying to move him to the side to get by and I said "No, Garret!" and he was like "Woah" and immediately went for the handshake. I had a HUGE bag of sandwiches and salads in my hand and it was really difficult for me to shake his hand but I accomplished it. After that we had the most awkward one minute conversation of my life. It consisted of incomplete words. Haha and thoughts. Oh my gosh so embarrassing. But whatever it was awesome to see him. He asked if I still lived in Provo because I mentioned I was going to be in Oregon for Christmas and I told him I lived here. (If I lived in Oregon I would attack him with letters) :-) But seriously most amazing thing of my life. Thirteen more months!

I'll be home for Christmas. This might be my number one song played on my newly acquired iPod. I have a few versions. Bing Crosby, Gloria Estefan, one of the Bend high schools. Yeah I'm a little bit of a nerd but I haven't been home since what? Last May/April. Long time. And I miss it and I'm so excited to be able to spend a week at home with my crazy family and even crazier abuelos. OH and my wonderful friends I'm very excited to see them. Yay Bend.

Brushing Your Teeth Can Make You Think.

Tonight as I was brushing my teeth I had a strange realization that comes occasionally. I am me because I want to be me. I am who I want to be, I don't do things for other people. I am no longer doing things because I'd get grounded if I didn't. I brush my teeth because I want to, not because mom told me to before bed. I go to church because I have a testimony of the gospel and want to make it greater, not because if I don't I'll get my driving privileges revoked. I go to school because I want to do something with my life, not because if I don't I won't get money..okay that is a part of the reason for sure but I could survive without it. It was just weird to me to think, I can do anything I want. Do I like what I'm doing now? Is it a good place for me? Am I happy? (Yes I had many of these thoughts as I was brushing my teeth, if you've lived with me you know it's a long process (-:) I do what I do because I want to. I'm not forced to. I know what is right and wrong and I choose which direction I want to go in my life. Sometimes I make mistakes and then I pay for them but thankfully I've had the blessing of not making too many mistakes.


After spending time in my singles ward Lauren posted something about how we always say we're in transition. I'm in transition to marriage, she's in transition to having kids, getting a job. We're always looking at where we want to be not where we are. We need to take deeper consideration of where we are in our lives. I am in an awesome ward. I live with amazing roommates, who make me laugh daily. We are a little family and I couldn't live without them. I am closer with my sister than I have ever been. When I go days without seeing her it's like I'm missing a part of myself. She is the best sister I could have asked for (Carmen, Dahlia and Steph are pretty great too) I have two adorable nephews. I love them so much and they add brightness to my life with every giggle, gargle, and noise they make. I am close to both my parents. We don't have the pressure we had on our relationship when I was in high school. I call them at least once a week and without calling them I feel a little out of it.

One of my favorite shows this week said something on happiness that I found to be quite insightful.

"Happiness is a mood. It's a condition, it's not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry -- it's not permanent, It comes and goes and that's ok. And I think if people thought about it that way, they'd find happiness a lot more often."

We should try to make it a goal to find happiness. Not just in the big things, but even in the little things. Don't wait until you get married to be happy, don't say when I get a promotion I'll be happy, be happy that you have a job. Be happy that you're in a place where you are able to have the many little blessings we're given daily. Don't take them for granted and thank Heavenly Father for giving us the wonderful things we have.