It's Kind of a Funny Story

So yesterday I was sewing Martha's halloween costume... and I was just hemming it. Nothing major. So I'm sewing her costume and I feel a little poke and I'm like oh that hurt. THEN my machine made that awful sound they do when they go through fabric that's too thick and I was like SERIOUSLY?! Then I looked at my finger and noticed the needle didn't go through thick fabric. It went through thick skin! So I go into my bathroom kinda wiggling the needle sticking out of my skin...because it broke off in my finger and I'm looking at my phone going...who do I call Ui (my boss) or Mindy (my other boss) So I call Mindy and Jamie answers (Jamie as in old roommate, Mindy's daughter, bff) so I tell Jamie what happened and ask her if I should come in and have a doc look at it because it was only 6 so there were still doctors at our office. So Jamie comes to pick me up and I start freaking out a little bit. So I'm a dummy and call White Brandon to come pick me up. Yes, I call the boy that broke up with me a month ago. I knew he was home and being EQP he couldn't turn down a service opportunity. So he drives me to my office as I'm trying not to freak out too much because he doesn't do well with blood or needles and I had both in me and coming out of me...gag So I go into the office and EVERYONE is there laughing at me. Dr. Adams looks at it and says, well lets go pull it out. So we walk by 2 receptionists 3 nurses and Dr Lauret. EVERYONE is laughing at me... and on the bright side I was laughing too... Well I was laugh crying...it's really ugly. So Dr Farnsworth comes in because I'm making a lot of noise with my laugh cry and everyone else is laughing so he wants to check it out. I'm standing in our exam room with my finger not really bleeding and a needle sticking out hugging Jamie (pinching her back...she said my nails were digging into her..oops) Then Crystal (Brett's nurse) came in to hold me from behind just in case I passed out. I'm burrying my head in Jamie's armpit and laugh crying and Dr Adams starts to numb my finger (so painful) then Dr. Lauret pulls the needle out and they just laugh at me. When it's all done I get out of Jamie's shirt and noticed I snotted all over it. I'm such a great friend :-) Oh during the whole being numbed process I said "OH I just want to scream profanities!" It hurt way way bad. So I soak my finger to get all the "bugs" out and Mindy bandages me up. I get my tetanus shot and Jamie brings me home. Such an eventful Monday... Didn't finish Martha's costume either.... shoot.

In the end it took 2 M.D, 1 D.O, 1 P.A and 5 nurses OH and Jamie (couldn't have done it without her!) to help me through my little ordeal...

Moral of the story: watch your fingers when sewing kids! 

Dress Up!

Tonight to entertain myself I played dress up. I tried on all my formals, expect for my Belle one because that one weighs too much and thought of putting it on made me tired haha. So I tried on all my other formals then I found pictures from when I wore them. It is crazy that they ALL fit better now than they did back in the day. I am inspired by myself. Maybe I can be an inspiration to someone else.

This is Prom 2007, Can we just talk about how TIGHT it was on my boobs... also sorry it's sideways...

July 2009

April 2008

November 2008

August 2009

April 2008

Let me just tell you about this dress. The woman that made it was evil and didn't really make it correctly. So the boning came out and made everyone bleed... so she "fixed it" by putting duct tape over it...yup tape... Oh goodness. PS Look at my Jazz choir letter pin STILL on it 4 years later hahaha

I have no comparison for this picture but can we just talk about how BEAUTIFUL I am. For REALS

My Excitement

Alright so I've been losing weight pretty steadily since February...and by steadily I mean I plateaued when I was dating Brandon because I was eating more calories than I should have been. So really I've been losing weight from February to May then August to October. I started at a really high weight... my peak weight was 240 (oh gosh did I just admit that?!) Even at my highest weight people didn't believe me when I would tell them my weight because I "carried it well." But I've been steadily losing weight and have hit 30 pounds lost! Which is so awesome! I feel awesome. Sad news is I have 50 more pounds to get to my "normal" BMI. When I tell people that they look at me like that isn't even possible but apparently it is.

Yesterday when I hit the 30 pound mark I was thinking "I don't think I've weighed this little since high school." So I did some research and called my doctor from my senior year and asked them my weights and this is what I found.

Feb 2008-209 (What I'm at now!)

April 2008-216

June 2008- 200 (Random spike down...)

June 2009- 226 (hello college depression weight)

Nov 2011-238

I think I weighed 240 pretty steadily throughout 2011 and into 2012. Crazy that I let myself weigh that much. I know in 2010...? I did HCG and I lost a little bit of weight but then it shot back up because I couldn't starve myself. 

I just called my pediatrician from 2001-2008 and asked them my weights but those are in my paper chart so they're going to call me back later. I just want to know when I started in the 200s because I honestly don't remember.Okay they just called and the verdict is moving to Oregon made me fat...

Jan 2002-157 (five months after moving to Bend)

Oct 2002-172.5 (beginning of 7th grade and Dad madness)

May 2006-184 (friends with cars=going out to lunch)

May 2007-202 (I started dating Vince September 2006 and gained 18 pounds... I blame him)

Alright is is me at 240...

This was between 15 pounds lost

15 pounds down. My face already looks thinner right?

23 Pounds down hiking a mountain in Wyoming

28 pounds down

28 Pounds!

I'll have to take a picture tonight!  

I've been in the 200's my adult life. I feel SO awesome for finally getting it in control. As far as health issues I don't think any of them have gotten significantly better since losing the weight but I have a long way to go still. I am so proud of myself. It's been a long time coming and it makes me so happy to realize it's a realistic goal for me. Thank you to my family and friends that have encouraged me. Especially JAMIE for being my competition (even though she didn't really know it)  

This is a picture I just found on my Myspace (say what?!) and it's when I weighed 184

Sometimes I doubt...

So the past month of my life has been quite the roller coaster. I have a lot of days of good then moments of bad but overall I've been really good for someone that was just broken up with haha. But tonight we had FHE at our stake president's house and it was really good. We got to know each other a little better and then he shared a spiritual thought.
He shared a video with a story taken from a talk from Elder D. Todd Christofferson (who was at my graduation so I feel like he's extra cool now...) The video is called The Will of God



While watching this I was thinking about how sometimes I do get mad at the Lord and I reprimand him and I say "I was doing so good why did you have to change my plans. I had a whole future set and now I have to start over." President Mackey talked about how sometimes when we pray we don't ask the right questions or we don't accept the right answer because it's not what we want to hear. Immediately I thought about the latest turmoil in my life 1. because he was sitting right across from me and 2. because his reason was "I prayed about it and I feel like I'm not the right guy for you." So I have recently had my little tiff with prayer and felt like sometimes it sucks because it can RUIN lives.

Yes I know I'm a girl I exaggerate sometimes.. I know that prayer is actually a very good thing to keep in your life but anyway back to the story. 

We were talking about Christ and how his plan is better than ours and he knows what he wants us to be and we may think we know but we really don't. We talked about keeping the Lords plan in our prayers and making sure that what we are doing is on the right path. I was thinking about how in my mind I was going to marry Brandon and in my mind that was the best thing for me. It was my great and awesome purpose (wanting to be a fruit tree...if you don't understand watch the video) But Christ has his own plan for me and I am supposed to be a bush and that is good enough.

 I don't really know if this makes sense but you know sometimes you just have those moments when you really get it. You are finally at peace with your life and I think that happened for me tonight. 

That's quite the bummer

So life goes on. That is what I've learned lately. It might suck then suck more but it will have little peaks of good even if they don't last forever and you have to try to make them happen. The past week and a half has been....rough. Brandon and I broke up. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Overall I've been happy. Well I tell myself I'm happy but I think I'm actually hurting more than I let on. I don't know I can't read myself (is that bad) Well maybe it's just that some days I'm fine and others it's a little harder. I know that "someone better is out there for me,"  and "everything will be okay," and I know I "just need to keep my chin up." But at the same time I just want to fight what everyone is saying and tell them that I want Brandon  and everything isn't okay and that I just want to be able to wallow and really be sad. I told myself last Tuesday when I went to work that crying wouldn't make it better and I just needed to get through work. I didn't make it through work without crying but at least I only cried once. Then Tuesday night my home teachers gave me a blessing and that was so wonderful. I felt so much better after that and I can only imagine what kind of position I'd be in now if they hadn't given me that blessing. Since then I've been mostly on the uphill with little drops that I get over relatively quickly. I'm just sad because I was looking forward to doing cute fall/winter things with a boyfriend...and getting married to him. But I guess it's like everyone said. He's just not the one for me.

 Better luck next time.